


Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

by gold_sakura



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, M/M, What Is Wrong With ME, can't believe my first contribution to this ship is angst, eren being... eren i suppose, i guess, jean being in denial, yea im horrible with tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-10
Updated: 2014-09-10
Packaged: 2018-02-16 19:50:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2282436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gold_sakura/pseuds/gold_sakura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A simple thing like love wouldn't keep him from fulfilling his goal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I have finally decided to contribute to my guilty ship. Still can't believe that angst is the first thing that popped up in my mind. Thank you to Remmy-AOT here from AO3 and breezerkawaii from tumblr for their willingness to beta this fic. Who knew having betas could be so life-changing..... ANYWAYS hope you enjoy

Jean wasn't new to beating Jaeger to a pulp. It was actually more of a daily occurrence; both of their hot tempers had made them ready to brawl practically anywhere. But, as he towered over the brunet, raising his bruised fist above his own head, Jean was forced to look at Eren. Not just take a quick glance to throw his hit correctly. This moment where he wanted to intimidate the cheeky brunet was the time where he stared into Eren's eyes.  
It was true that Eren had possessed eyes that were captivating. Those blue-green eyes could weaken anyone's heart. However, Jean believed he had gotten used the dark glares and fierce scowls he received from Eren. He never expected to be greeted by a warm smile and joyful expression by the stubborn brat. Jean was entirely okay with that; rivals shouldn't back down from each other anyways. What he didn't expect was to flinch. He was so close to laying a damn good punch on Eren's face, yet this direct eye contact made him hesitate.

He knew he had seen Eren look like this before. His expression was full of rage, full of animosity, full of…spirit. Jean had a nagging feeling, one that dug deep inside of his brain, that he knew where Eren saved this brash face for. With no more time to continue the fight, Jean lowered his arm. The expected scurrying footsteps were heard at the end of the hallway. Typical of the rest of the cadets to come to Eren's aid. Jean was careful not to touch Eren any further as he pushed himself up to stand.

“Hey horseface! We're not done here! Where the hell are you going?,” Eren growled. In Jean's opinion, his act to seem tough made him a poor puppy being ignored.

“We'll continue this after I go confirm something.” With no time for Eren to respond appropriately, Jean sprinted off towards the barracks. He hoped no one would look for him there in the middle of the day. It went against his principles, but Jean abandoned a fight with Eren. If he ever told anyone about this, they would see it as a ludicrous story. Even he thought it was a bit absurd; the only way for him to make up for this odd decision was to pay close attention to their next expedition.

Weeks passed and Jean somehow managed to avoid getting into a conflict with Eren. It surprised everyone, including the superiors in the squad, that the tan haired boy was willing to behave himself. Eren seemed the most shocked as he always found his gaze following Jean. This reaction made Jean chuckle in his thoughts. He was getting all the attention now that he wanted to be left the fuck alone. The irony in Jean's life skyrocketed when Eren finally decided to stop him on his way to the cafeteria.

“Kirschstein what the hell is your problem?”

“I don't see any problem here, Jaeger. I haven't pissed you off once today. So if you don't mind, I would really love to get my meal before Sasha considers that abandoned tray as her extra plate.” Jean stepped to the side. He sighed as the brunet in front of him copied his movement.

“What? No insults? No retarded comments today?”

“Are you fucking kidding me? Do you have that much of an itch to fight me?” Jean put his hands on his hips.

“Well…no but -”

“Then leave me alone. I'm sure I will fight you another time.” He moved swiftly past Eren, who was most likely paralyzed with confusion. That brat wouldn't have to be lost for that long though. After all, their next mission would start bright and early tomorrow.

The next day came sooner than everyone expected. Although they were supposed to be used to these smaller missions, no one really felt safe or prepared. There were too many moments that showed how ruthless each expedition could be, how even the simplest plan could go wrong.

“Alright brats,” Levi called out as the squad were preparing their horses, “We all know how these missions work. With that in mind, I will keep this briefing short. The faster we get this done, the less time we need to worry about things going to shit. Any questions?”

The squad's hardened stares gave Levi his answer.

“Good. Move out people. Let's hope for the best.”

What they got was far from ‘the best’. It didn't take long for the titans to reveal themselves. Thankfully, no one was hesitant at bringing these monstrous creatures down anymore. Jean was one of the quicker responders to the ambush; he couldn't afford to waste a second with overthinking.  
His blades glimmered each time he reached a titan's nape. Sure he wasn't as precise as Erwin, stylish as Levi, or just plain crazy like Hanji, but his methods got the job done. His path was almost cleared when more of his companions reached to where he was. Jean had to rid himself of seeing a couple of more ugly mugs before he could make his way towards the front lines.

The front lines were usually meant for the higher ranking officers, ones who were considered to have more wisdom and experience. This was stated clearly before every mission so that no foolish rookie would dare come to ‘the death zone’. Things had changed, however, when Mikasa and Eren showed up. Both were fresh meat compared to the people they stood alongside of, a pair of novices that should have been forced to the back like the rest of their age group. Then again, who said war was fair? As the Survey Corps’ fatality rate escalated, Erwin had no choice but to bring out useful weapons. Mikasa knew her blades and 3DMG. No one doubted her prowess and even considered her one of the best. Eren on the other hand, was chosen for an entirely different reason.

Being a titan shifter had its perks.

As Jean sneaked his way past other officers, he was adamant at seeing the last part of this battle. That was when they released Eren, a beast at humanity's control. The brunet was more than happy to accept the title of ‘monster’ if that meant that he could be free to kill as many titans as he pleased. Jean just needed to see Eren in action. The answer to the complex question in his brain was just a few feet away.

Eren's roar stopped everyone in their tracks. _Just in time_ , they would think, as they lowered themselves with the last bit of gas in their tanks. The small group of remaining titans would be taken care of. Jean finally found the lumbering idiot as he landed on a rather sturdy branch. Eren had already found his prey, all crowding around like a bunch of awed children. Jean still couldn't believe how simple-minded these titans could be. To please his admirers, Eren snarled and took a step forward. The enemies were honored to have a challenge imposed on them and charged with all their might.

The first crackling punch echoed in the air. Eren liked to flaunt his increased power; Jean thought it was annoying as hell. It was obvious that one would be stronger when they grew to an unbelievable size. But, criticizing Eren was not the reason why Jean risked coming here. He put all his focus on the brunet's face, trying his best to ignore all the titans that were in close proximity of his head.

Somehow luck was on Jean's side that day. He had a perfect view of Eren's side profile. The brunet struggled to keep the smaller titans off his body, so it was natural for him to topple over. Everything was going perfectly. Now Jean could see Eren, see how much his eyes were burning with animalistic desire. The tan haired boy was taken aback when he saw the flame Eren's pupils were producing. It was all too familiar, a glare that Jean had gotten to taste just months ago. In Jean's mind, one thing clicked. To Eren, Jean was considered as much of a threat as these titans. That wasn't true in the slightest, but a sudden admiration bloomed in Jean's heart for the brunet. Eren took all of his fights seriously, and that was all Jean was asking for.

Jean wasn't sorry for starting the fight immediately when they returned home. He was more than anxious to confront Eren, finally facing an opponent who had the same ideals as he did. It thrilled him in a weird sense. He almost scared himself when he thought how much more time he wanted to be with Eren. However, he shrugged it off as being depraved of their fighting for months.

Things didn't change right away. Jean and Eren continued to fight, always hurting themselves for the most idiotic of reasons. Eren still scowled whenever Jean outdid him during training. Jean still snickered whenever Eren was having a pleasant conversation with Mikasa. To everyone else, it looked like they would be handling these two idiots for as long as the titans were still around.

Jean was the first one to notice how their relationship wasn't the same anymore. It was true that the fights continued, but Jean had made it his obligation to check on Eren's condition before lights out. Training remained a competition, but Jean patted Eren on the back after they were done changing; it turned out a small bit of praise could increase Eren's confidence significantly. No one knew that Jean's attempts at showing contempt for Eren were now faked.

All of this was caused by a simple pair of eyeballs. If that wasn't crazy enough, Jean also realized that he was now a danger on the field. Not only were his reactions slower, but his thoughts lead him to almost disobey orders, all in order to be near Eren. This weakness was taking a toll on Jean. He began to question whether or not this feeling he had received was just respect for Eren. He didn't know what to do. He was too stubborn to ask for help and clueless as in to finding out what he actually felt for the brunet.  
A pang in his heart would be the smack in the face Jean needed. It was an ordinary day, nothing special was going to occur, no sudden surprises waiting around the corner. It was just one of those days where Levi had to have the entire squad on cleaning duty. Jean was assigned to the square along with Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Sasha, and Connie. With that many people in one spot, cleaning in a speedy time should have been no problem. If only these cadets weren't such goofballs.

“Hey Jean!” Sasha yelled.

“Sasha? I'm right fucking here,” Jean smacked her upside the head.

“Ouch! No need to be so rude! I just wanted to tell you about something fun I just thought of.” Sasha smirked.

When Sasha mentioned fun, there was always consequences. "And what is that Sash?"

“Let's prank Eren.”

“Uh, why?”

“Because why not? Connie already agreed, so you should too.” The brunette flashed a toothy grin.

“How are you going to deal with Armin and Mikasa?”

“That's the thing Jeanny boy, they are going to be in on the action too.”

“Really?”

“Uh-huh, it turns out that Eren ditched them when they had kitchen duty last week.” Ah revenge plans, never failing to turn friends against each other even for just one day.

“Fucking jerk.” One little sly trick couldn't hurt. “What do you have in mind?”

Eren sprinted back towards the square. Sasha and Connie had sent him on a pointless task to get an extra bucket from the supply closet. Jean was told to wait in a corner, where the ambush was said to occur. He was rocking back and forth on the balls of his heels; his nerves were getting the best of him. He kept the bucket of ice cold water still in his arms.It would only be a few more seconds before the brunet would fall in this not-so elaborate plot.

The footsteps approaching was Jean's signal to come out of hiding. He jumped out, ready to see Eren being handled by Armin and Mikasa. But, no one was there. Had he come out too early?

Jean's shoulders slumped. Here was another thing to add to his fucked-up list. Going back to cleaning would have been the best idea and Jean knew that fact. He didn't expect to have two different arms interlocked with his own. Sasha's evil cackling sounded as Connie and Eren appeared with two filled buckets. That's why Jean could never trust these fuckers. “Well shit.”

Nothing could have prepared Jean for the flash of immobility he felt when the freezing water land on him. Armin and Mikasa had managed to move away just in time, making the tan haired boy the only one to feel the full force of the blow.

“We got you Jeanny boy!”

“Y-y-you motherf-f-fuckers.” Jean sounded scared half to death, which only made the others more inclined to laugh.

“We got you good dude!” Connie snorted.

“You really should have seen this coming, Jean.” Armin hunched over.

 “That was certainly worth it.” Mikasa glanced sideways, as if that motion could cover her small smirk.

“Didn’t see that one coming, did you horseface?” Eren shoulders bounced along with his light chuckles.

“S-s-shut up, asshole.” Jean wrapped his arms across his chest. Did they really need to do this in the middle of winter? “All of you better move out of my way. I don’t need to get sick from your stupid stunt.”

“Now, now Jean who was willing to be in this stupid stunt earlier?” Sasha hummed.

“Shut the fuck up. Let me go get feeling back in my legs.” Jean made his way back to the barracks, but a tight grip on his wrist stopped him. He turned to the person who apparently wanted him to get pneumonia. “What?”

“Look, no hard feelings man. It was kind of my idea. Let’s just say this was revenge for not confronting me like a man for all those fucking months. Can we say we’re even now?” Eren wanted revenge? Because Jean ignored him? This couldn’t be right. It almost as if he had the same feelings -

“I guess so.”  
“Great. Now go get to the showers. You smell like shit and hay.” Eren smiled _._ _Eren smiled_. Jean froze. Was there someone behind him? Eren never gave a happy expression that was meant for him -“Hey Jean? You okay? Did the cold freeze your brain already?

“I’m fine.” The heartbeat in his chest needed to stop. “I was just stunned by seeing your face close up.” This surely was just a fluke. “I forgot how disgusting you look.” All of this wasn’t real. Eren would definitely punch him now.

“Very funny, Jean. Guess I deserve that one.” Another smile. No, not just another smile. This one was bigger, more bright. It reflected the thing Jean wanted to forget: Eren’s spirit. With a light nudge to Jean’s shoulder, Eren returned to his cleaning duties and the tan haired boy walked the opposite way. Jean needed to clear his head, and definitely needed his heart to stop racing.

Denial was indoubtedly going to be a part of Jean’s experience. He couldn’t be in love with Eren. That brat who practically jumps on him whenever they set sight of each other? No, not in this lifetime. It would be years before Jean would see Eren as anything else than a nuisance. … It actually only took a few weeks.

As training became more intense, it was only a matter of time before seeing Eren daily with his stupid abs, gross slicked back hair, and not cute butt would get to Jean. He hadn’t even known when he had started to find the brunet attractive. This whole love thing was a lot to process and it seemed like Jean was still a couple steps behind his own heart.  
All he had to do was confess. That would make Jean feel more at ease. He had enough of acting awkward and stupid whenever Eren showed up. Well, he did before all this, but for entirely different reasons. He was going to do it tonight after dinner. Even if he had to drag Eren off his ass, Jean would let all of his feelings be heard.

Eren was heavier than he looked. His white pants were probably stained with dust and dirt as Jean yanked him outside to the nearby woods.

“Jean. What the fuck?” The brunet squirmed against the hold Jean had on his collar. “Why can’t we talk about this inside where it’s less cold?”

“Because this is really important. If you fucking behave, I promise it won’t take longer than five minutes.”

Eren stilled. He regained his composure once he was free from Jean’s grip. “Well, what is it?”

Jean gulped. He couldn’t back out now. “Eren this is going to sound really retarded -”

“You always sound really retarded -”

“Eren.” Jean breathed through his nose., “Can you just shut up so I can finish?”

“Sure.”

“Like I was saying, this might sound really dumb but…I… I like you Eren.”

Eren cocked his head. “Okay? I like you too -”

“Not in that way.” Jean dug his fingers through his hair. “I mean… I think I love you Eren.”

Jean braced himself for the onslaught of insults Eren was going to throw at him. Instead, the brunet looked Jean straight in the eye and said, “Oh.” The best response that Eren could give him was a fucking ‘Oh’.

“You’re not going to say anything else?”

“I don’t want you to get any false hopes.” Jean physically cringed at the statement. This whole confession was going so well.

“Right.”

“Jean, it isn’t what you think.”

“Then… What is it Eren?” What could this be other than just plain rejection?

“I’m pretty sure I feel the same way about you.”

“What-”

“Yeah these feelings might be reciprocated. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to act on them Jean.” Eren huffed.

“Why?”

“I think the answer is pretty obvious. Do you see what world we’re living in? Do you see what those monsters are doing to humanity? That day… The day the titans invaded Shinganshina, I made a vow. I promised that I would let nothing stand in my way of killing all those bastards. Not even my affections for you will stop me.”

Ah.

Of course.

A simple thing like love wouldn’t keep him from fulfilling his goal.

“I…I understand.” From the look in Eren’s eyes, nothing Jean could say would change his mind. “Can…Can we just forget that this happened?” Jean didn’t want to break down, not when everything made sense.

“I was hoping you would say that.” Eren walked up to Jean. Planted a small kiss on the tan haired boy’s cheek. It didn’t make Jean feel any less empty. “Thank you Jean.” And that was the end of that.

It should have been the end at least. However, just as Eren had his focus solely on the extinction of all the titans, nothing could stop Jean from longing for the brunet.Those lonely nights of crying himself to sleep, those painful daydreams of them being together, all of those things that came with heartbreak continued to plague Jean. His heart remained intact, just enough to keep fighting for humanity. If only the world was a different place.

As much as Jean wanted to drown in his melancholy feelings, he still had a job to do. He was a soldier in the Survey Corps, ready to sacrifice his life to rid the world of all the titans. This career really didn’t offer much chances for breaks, so Jean moved forward. As long as he followed that kindred spirit he so desperately desired, Jean was sure that his life would turn around someday. Maybe Eren’s life would get to change too.

**Author's Note:**

> *laughs nervously* I hoped you guys liked it (please don't kill me). If you have any comments or suggestions, feel free to comment below or you can message me on tumblr; my url is gold-sakura. Thanks for taking the time to read this and hope you have a lovely day and/or night.


End file.
